Manual

DEALING WITH A FLIRTATIOUS PARTNER

Is your 'better half' something of a man-magnet? Despair not, help is on its way.

The dictionary defines a flirt as "one courting triflingly or acting amorously without serious intentions'. Sounds harmless enough except when it's your partner that's in the leading role. And unless you match him/her step for step, the situation inevitably becomes sticky: they see their behaviour as 'friendly'; you think it's painful and humiliating. Varkha Chulani, Mumbai-based clinical psychologist and counsellor, has a few pointers on how to plough through the problem.

1. Speak to your partner. Explain how you feel and do not make accusations. Say things like: 'I feel uneasy /am uncomfortable with the kind of attention you get. It makes me wonder whether people misinterpret your vibe and feel you're available.'

2. Avoid the blame game but take a strong stand on what is acceptable and what is not. Always use preference statements like 'I would like it if you...' rather than idealistic or judgemental ones like 'You do the wrong thing by...'.

3. It takes courage to discuss such issues with your partner, and especially without the intention of malice or accusation. Once you've walked down that road, it is important to also objectively assess your own situation. Ask yourself: 'Am I overreacting? Do I feel that I'm not good enough for her? Why is this happening?' The problem could just as well lie within you.

4. Some people feel they're not good enough for their partner, which leads to insecurity. It is important to also pay attention to yourself, build up self-confidence by picking up a new hobby, watching how you look, and rebuilding your self-perception. That way, you will stop finding fault in your partner and in yourself.

THE ART OF HOLDING A GLASS

Shital Kakkar Mehra of Soft Skills International, Mumbai-based specialists in Corporate Etiquette and International Protocol, tells you the right way to hold a glass of wine: "During wine-tasting sessions, the most common blunder committed is holding the wine glass by the bowl like it's a cup of tea. While it may look snobbish to some, there are three very good reasons for holding the glass by the stem:

1. Visual: Colour and clarity play a critical role in wine appreciation, which are tested by holding a clear glass against light. Does the wine allow light to pass through it partially or is it almost opaque? Is it a young bright red or an old rich mahogany? Is it a young pale white or an old deep gold? Does it have pronounced 'wine legs'? Is there a sediment? While reputed wine glasses offer superb clarity, grubby fingers or fingers wrapped around the bowl of the glass block the view either partially or completely.

2. Temperature: This creates a big impact on the taste of the wine. Whites and Champagnes are served chilled while reds are served at 'room temperature' (18 degrees Centigrade). By holding the bowl, you risk warming the wine, thereby altering its taste.

3. Style Quotient: Good wine glasses are designed with long stems, which look extremely elegant when held the right way. If you are one of those who enjoys holding the bowl, drink your wine from a paper tumbler instead! So go ahead, pinch the stem between the thumb and your fingers and lift the glass gracefully. Some wine veterans and professional wine-tasters prefer to grip the base of the glass besides the stem, which facilitates swirling which in turn releases the flavours trapped in the wine. Slainte.

Dimple your TIE
This is quite easy to achieve. After you are done tying your tie, but before you have completely tightened the knot, hold the centre of the necktie down with your finger placed slightly inside the knot. Then simply push on the middle of the tie and squeeze the edges as you tighten the knot. The dimple works best with the Windsor and Half Windsor knots. If you are using a Four-In-Hand knot it can be tough to get a nice looking dimple.
(Courtesy: pilottie.com)

Boots for winter
Luckily, winter boots don't need a white Christmas; a cool climate is enough! Kalyani Chawla, VP, Marketing and Communications, Christian Dior, tells you how to pick the right boots for the season. "Choose comfortable, wellfitted calfskin leather boots, preferably in black. While plain and classic ones go well with suits, ankle length boots are great assets when you're putting together a more casual look."